We do[n’t] positive parenting…


So me and Hector have been making a real effort to stop saying “don’t” and changing the phrase to a positive.  Apparently this encourages good behaviour and, let’s be honest, we’d all like a bit more of that shit. Except if you are blessed with angel children who are always well-behaved….actually those kinda parents wouldn’t be reading this and if you are you may as well piss off with your smugness and your bloody weird children because there’s nothing you’ll relate to here.

We thought we would incentivise each other by the use of the word “don’t” entitling the other to an hour’s child free time (admittedly, a little ironic given its punishing “don’t” rather than rewarding positives…whatever).   We quickly realised that we would soon be raising the children single-handedly until they left home, albeit in turns, so we gave up on that one.

In case you are struggling to understand the issue, here is an example from this morning:

Barry: “bash*, brummmm, bash, brummmmm”

“DON’T bash your cars on the wall”

“Okay mummy”

Barry: “bash, brummmm, bash, brummmmm”

Me: “DON’T bash your cars on the radiator”

[shit – positive parenting check]

Me: “Bash your cars on the floor…”

[well done mummy, very quick positive rephrase – woohoo, give yourself a sticker because you are on fire!]

Barry: “bash, brummmm, bash, brummmmm”

Me: “Actually, please DON’T bash your cars on anything they will break”

[Oh buggery shit… This is hard. Hmmmm….the only positive rephrase that came to mind: “Do what the fuck you like with your cars!”]

We’ll keep trying. Maybe we need to make ourselves a reward chart. I’m not sure 5 minions sticker for an Andy and the Dinosaurs mag will motivate me to be honest.  Any other ideas?

* If you hadn’t already noticed, Barry does love bish bash boshing (sometimes other children) – we’re working on it!



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