Poo, wee and a jet ski

image.jpegWell I’m weeing out of my bottom again, I should probably have a day of eating plain food – bread, pasta etc but that would be a bloody stupid thing to do during two weeks of an all you can eat buff-ett.

Last night my family had the rascals so that we could have a child free night (but not so that we could be those grumpy shits frowning at other people’s rascals – obvs!). What a treat. We agreed to no talking about the children and then looked at each other with genuine concern – “wtf are we going to talk about?”. We needn’t have worried there was plenty to talk about with a “dinning menu” including “a shank of lamp”, a training/incompetent waiter who left an aroma of beau when he poured your wine and a honeymoon couple outside having a “romantic” photoshoot (gosh we’re so in love and having such a wonderful honeymoon I’m just struggling to look like it as I stand on a fucking wall with the sun in my eyes, sand blowing in my face and a hairy beer bellied weirdo following us around with a camera like a dirty pervert).

We had a lovely meal then looked at each other at 8.40pm (having agreed at 7 to go for a drink when we’d eaten before going to see the babies), “pick them up and straight to bed?” – “yep”. And this was not for naughtiness but because being in bed by 9.30pm to sleep since having children is actually bloody lovely.

Glad we had an early night because today involved:
-B being taught to do a sea wee by his Aunty (one of life’s essential skills I think you’ll agree!) and him still insisting on taking his swim trunks off first then realising the sea’s too cold on his willy winky without them. So resorting to the usual “outside stand up” wee but not in a hidden spot, oh no, right on the edge of the water facing the whole bloody beach.

-Husband taking B for a jet ski ride and getting it stuck wobbling precariously on rocks, forcing me to stop watching because I felt so fucking sick with fear. Only you – you bloody plonker! The two of them buzzing, non-plussed after.
-E full on vomiting 3 times, one of which we ended up actually putting the hotel highchair in the shower (we’ve been giving her tea at 5 in the room so she’s asleep in pushchair (ha fucking ha!) when we go to dinner). Don’t worry we did take her out of the highchair first – not sure why though.
-B wetting himself in his best holiday outfit (I loved it) while watching a film on his bed just before we left for dinner – “Daddy the film has finished”

“and what’s that B?” [pointing]

“[looking down after being reminded he’d been sitting in his own piss for a while] Oh yeah and I’ve had a wee wee, can I watch cars now?”. Love a 2 year old’s priorities.

This was after not quite making the toilet when getting out of the bath and shitting in it! It was a shock for both of us because he’d had such a fuck off huge poo before his bath that it could have come from a T-Rex. Thought he’d be done for at least another day…
-Finally, throw into the mix, heat, mind numbing, sweaty, 31 fucking degree heat!

We’re going on a roadtrip tomorrow, to Spinalonga (former leper colony) that the book “The Island” was based on, apparently. I haven’t read the book never mind I’m sure we’ll enjoy the boat trip to get there 😊.


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